The End and the Beginning
by FlickerInTheDark
Summary: John and Alexander have a pet turtle, Philip. Something ends but a new start begins. ONESHOT


**A/N: I know, it has been a hot minute since my last upload but here we are!** **Be sure to favorite, follow or both!**

"Alex? Do you think Philip looks a bit off?"

Alexander looked up from his laptop and peered at Philip who was sitting in his giant tank. Philip, for all the world, looked happy under his heat lamp.

"Not particularly, why?"

"He has not moved around much. I took him out earlier and he didn't really explore much. You know how he likes to run around and get himself lost," John fretted. Alexander placed his laptop on the coffee table and moved to stand next to John. Both looked at the small box turtle and Philip stuck his head out for a moment.

"He's fine. We all get a little tired from our routines," Alexander said before realizing how his words sounded.

"What? You're not happy with how we have been doing things? Do you think Philip is unhappy here?" John seemed panicked.

"No, no!" Alexander said. He grabbed John's arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "What I meant is I'm sure she will be back to normal after this little rest. And no, I am perfectly happy." With that, he gave John a quick kiss on his cheek before returning to the sofa.

John calmed a bit after this reassurance. It made sense Alexander was a perfect example. Occasionally Alexander tired of reading when that happened Alexander would pull out some sickly sweet romance novel. He could appreciate a well-written novel that had some cheeky parts but these books were too much. Jefferson, for every Christmas since Alexander joined the firm, had given him a copy of that year's popular romantic novel. It wasn't just that it was a romance novel; it was the very worst kind. Jefferson always got him the kind that had a half-naked man or women on the cover and a sunset in the background. To add insult to injury Jefferson would go out of his way to get a signed copy. Jefferson always had the author write, _To my biggest fan, Alex._ Only John was allowed to call Alexander, Alex and this was insulting to see someone he had never met write his nickname. One page would make Alexander realize that in order to rectify the situation he would write a very strong essay denouncing said type of novel and their damage to the human mind. Alexander was right, Philip was just taking a break from doing normal turtle things.

But a few more days passed and Philip did not seem any more interested in the rest of his tank. John did everything. He tried a different food. He tried tempting him with fresh worms but even that did not draw Philip's attention for more than a few moments.

"Alex, are you sure Philip's all right?" he asked for what seemed the hundredth time that day.

Alexander sighed and said, "John, if you are really concerned, why don't we take him to the vet?"

"I can't! I have an important presentation and no one would take me seriously if I postponed because of Philip! I would be a laughing stock!"

"Would you like me to go tomorrow?" Alexander asked.

"Would you? But didn't you say you had a case? You said you that this case could make or break your career!"

"Philip is family. You are my love, the whole world can go to hell in a handbasket!" Alexander pronounced and embraced John soothingly.

"But, Alex, make sure they know everything," he said leaving the embrace and going into the bedroom and returning with a notepad. "I have written down every symptom going back 4 weeks ago. Make sure they know he hasn't been as active. Also, make sure they know Philip is normally very active for a turtle…"

He went on like that for a few more minutes. John wanted to make sure everything was done, so his beloved turtle would be alright. Alexander simply nodded. To try and assuage his fears would be pointless. John was just like Alexander, once they got something into their heads, nothing could be done.

The next day Philip was in his carrier and John peered down, "Don't worry Philip. You will be in tip-top shape! You be good for Alex alright?"

Before Alexander left John ran down the list of his symptoms again and handed Alexander the notepad. He assured John that he understood everything and would be back in an hour or so and call John the second he was out of the vet's office. But he came back only 15 minutes later.

"You're back fast! Is Philip all right? Did you get any medicine?" he asked before Alexander even got out of the car.

Alexander sighed. "John, the vet was closed. They will be closed for a few weeks, family emergency."

"What?" John nearly flew off the handle if not for the scratching in the carrier. He quickly took the carrier and moved to return Philip back to his tank.

Once they were both inside and Philip was resting on his log, John turned to Alexander. "What? Explain!"

"I'm afraid there is nothing to explain dear. They will be closed for at least a few weeks. You can't fault them for a family emergency."

"Yes, I absolutely can! It is their job is to take care of sick and hurting animals and here they are gone!" John raged.

"John, calm down. There has to be another vet office who will take a look at him," Alexander reasoned. He went over to the laptop and began to Google local veterinary offices nearby. John hovered close behind him. Every click Alexander could feel another anxious breath on his left ear.

It turned out the next closest would be closed as it would be Sunday tomorrow and they could never get there that day before the office closed. The next closest was a good two and a half hours away. With traffic, it was likely a 6 hour round trip. Sure there were closer vet's but the reviews all yielded sketchy results or did not specialize in reptile and amphibian care. Alexander was smart enough not to suggest such places.

"I can't put Philip in the car that long! He will go mad and it will only stress him out! Damn them!" John was now running his hands through his hair.

John then thought of something, "Perhaps Eliza could be of some help."

"Eliza? What could she do?"

"Didn't you say she studied Zoology or something?"

"For maybe a year! That was quite a few years ago! I doubt she remembers anything!"

"What choice do we have? Maybe she can calm my fears, just at least until Monday, " John suggested hopefully

"Fine," Alexander said a bit defeated. Alexander then reached into his pocket and called her. He explained the situation and thanked her profusely.

"I didn't mean, that you should call her right now. She was probably busy doing good-person things!" John interjected.

Eliza came half an hour later. She worked as a social worker and thankfully that day she had no cases. Alexander re-explained their circumstances and had grabbed Philip, who had been paddling slowly through the water.

"What do you expect me to do? I was only in vet school for a year," she said looking down at the squirming Philip

"You're the best we got!" John pleaded.

"Well, I profess no expert knowledge but I think I have some idea of what is happening," she said.

"Please tell us!" John said thrusting the turtle in her face.

"John, how old is Philip?"

"I have no idea, he was an adult when we found him."

"But since then, how many years has she lived with you?"

"I would imagine 5 years. Why?" Eliza looked away not wanted to impart the news. Alexander gasped because he understood what she was referring to. Clearly, John didn't.

"What? Why do you both react that way?" John asked frantically.

"John, Philip is an old turtle. Surely you've noticed," Eliza explained slowly, "And well the average lifespan of a common box turtle is 50ish years. Philip is reaching the end of his life. In fact, he is probably much older judging by the shell and how beat up it looks. That shell has been through a lifetime in the wild and it shows. There is nothing wrong with him per se but as I have said he is likely near the end of his life."

John hugged the turtle closely "No! Philip is not dying! Philip is perfectly fine! Eliza, I think you should go back to work."

Eliza simply nodded. Alexander apologized for his partner's behavior. Eliza was just the messenger and here John was snapping at her like it was her fault.

John placed Philip back in his tank. "I'll prove her wrong. Philip, old? Pshhh!" he said under his breath.

The following day Alexander woke up to an empty bed, which was odd. He was always the early riser. Just as he was pulling a t-shirt on, he heard the garage door open. He left the bedroom and found wailing.

"John, John, John!" he said trying to calm him down. John was pacing furiously outside of the car. Philip was in his carrier and in the car.

"She was right!"

Alexander came around to the front and placed his hands on John's face. "Did you go to the vet this morning at…" he looked down at his watch, "6:00 am?"

"I had to! I couldn't believe Eliza words and I just had to know. I-I went to the emergency clinic this morning and-and..." John sank to his knees and tears streaming down his face.

Eventually, Alexander was able to guide John into the house and put Philip in his tank.

Alexander found John in their bedroom. He sat beside him on the bed and simply held John. The tears were gone and now he seemed empty.

"I should have known. I have always had a deep fascination with turtles since I was a little boy. Every summer I would go down to the pond by my house. I would find all sorts of creatures but turtles were always my favorite. I would care for them, draw them and study them like a scientist. Then I would release them when my mother called me in for dinner. I never kept them, because my father would not be pleased and how could I trap such a creature? I know this is stupid, me telling you all this," John said.

"Turtles are very much like people John. They have personalities and character. They are people in a turtles body," Alexander supplied. To be honest, Philip was the only turtle he had extensive interactions with but it seemed true.

"What a true and beautiful though," John said sadly, "I always wanted to study turtles. But father was always insisted on a career in law and that no son of his would ever play with animals all day. Maybe if I studied Zoology, I would have known how to keep Philip from dying. I should have known!"

"No! You can't think that! Philip is an old turtle and nothing you could do would have kept him from wandering onto the middle of the road and us finding him. It was meant to be. If you studying Zoology you may have never found Philip flipped on his back on the road. You would never have been able to save him." Alexander said firmly. He knew the power of thinking in terms of 'What if's'. He had thought this way about most of his own childhood. It was a sweet poison that one could get addicted to and never be free of.

"You're right. But still, I should have known. I should have been sensible, I was a fool to think Eliza was wrong. I mean I studied books on every type of turtle and I guess I just forgot," John said shaking his head.

After a few moments, Alexander asked, "If I may ask, what did the vet say?"

This wasn't the right thing to say. John slammed his fists on the bed and said through his teeth, "They said that I should put him down. The fools offered several dates for it!"

"Is he in pain? Is he suffering?" Alexander asked.

"They said he might be soon! They said each day would get harder for him but it was hard to say for box turtles." John was seething.

That night for dinner he John put a few fresh worms in Philip's tank as a treat. John was always careful to make sure Philip didn't get too fat or was eating poorly. But Alexander understood his gesture.

This routine was continued for several months. Philip began to move slower and eventually wasn't taken out of his tank. He slept under his heat lamp Then one afternoon Alexander came home to find John wailing. He John on the kitchen floor. He was holding something in a blanket and was on his knees.

He rushed over not removing his coat and dropping his files. Paper flew everywhere but at that moment it did not matter. Tears came to Alexander's eyes and he looked down at John.

"I-I went check on him. I noticed she hadn't touched her breakfast this morning so I decided to come by during lunch and.. " he dissolved into shuttering sobs.

"Oh, John," he said holding on to his arm. Philip had been as much a friend to him as to John. He had rubbed his head on his finger when they first met and John told him later, that it was that moment he knew he could trust Alexander. Philip had supplied hours of entertainment for Alexander when he was tired and stressed from work. All he had to do was go to the kitchen and peer at the tank to see Philip happily swimming.

"Come on Alexander," John said still crying.

"No, we're not going anywhere."

"No. We have to bury Philip! I need to send him on his way! I can't keep his soul trapped here!" John wailed.

Alexander decided it was best to listen to John and he pulled his keys out of his pocket. If he insisted John stay, John would have bolted out anyway and maybe hurt himself. He shepherded John into the passenger seat and made he bucked his seatbelt. "Where would you like to lay him to rest?" They had no backyard because it was New York City after all.

"Central Park," John said through gasping breath.

Alexander drove for 45 minutes. All he heard was sobs and quite sniffling. Alexander knew nothing he could say in this moment. He just drove. The air was still and Alexander barely noticed the traffic. He just let people cut him off and swerve. For all he knew they were headed to their own funerals.

They reached the park and John led the way. Alexander simply followed. John was like a bloodhound, he walked with such precision knowing exactly where he was going. Eventually, Alexander was led to a quiet spot in the park next to one of the ponds. John slowly unwrapped Philip and placed him in the water.

"Not too loud but there are still people. Philip always liked people and I don't want him to be lonely." John held tightly to the blanket. Alexander said nothing. Nothing felt appropriate. John didn't need a lecture. He wrapped his arm around John and squeezed lightly.

"He belongs in nature. We took him out of it and I wonder if we had just placed him on the safe side of the road if he would have been better off. But he's back now," John said.

Alexander managed a small smile, a sad smile, and continued to rub John's arm. They heard a bunch of joggers jogging past and decided they best leave. No point drawing attention.

The ride home was quiet. John was no long sobbing but looking out the window sadly. When they arrived home, John simply went into the bedroom to lay down. He pulled the covers over his head and didn't emerge for the rest of the day. Alexander left John alone and only saw him when he joined him in bed. He had tried to coax John to eat but he had said no.

The next morning John rose slowly. He considered staying home and using one of his sick days. He doubted HR would accept turtle death as a reason to use bereavement days. But there would be no point he would simply lay in silence and think about all of the days Philip was alive. No, it was better to be with people.

But something very unexpectant happened. Alexander was the first to see it. When John got home he saw Alexander smiling.

"What?" John asked tired and a bit irritated at his partner's happiness.

"Come look at this letter," Alexander said ignoring John's surly attitude.

John took the letter and opened it. He read it for a moment and looked up, "We-we got approved to…"

"That's right! We can foster kids now! We got approved! Finally!"

John was still sad but in the moment pride and happiness flood him. They had worked for months trying to get approved to foster kids. When they had finished the paperwork and various legal things they were nervous, but now a child would be coming into their home!

John could think of nothing else. Of course that night a deep pain for Philip crossed him. He felt weak in his stomach and fresh tears sprung to his face.

A few days later they were meeting with a social worker who was discussing their case. They had been assigned to a child and she handed over a file with information about the child. They peered at the paper and read the name, _Philip._ Alexander was nervous how would John react to this but John simply smiled. "He'll be perfect."


End file.
